The Anti-Resolutions Club
January 1st rolls around.
Everyone’s getting cracking on their resolutions.
The gym is flooded. (I can’t find parking.) The price of lettuce skyrockets. #newyearnewme appears every time I flip my thumb up on a screen.
HELP. I HATE IT.
Now and forever, I am a zealous member of The Anti-Resolutions Club. Not to say I dislike goal-setting or growth - because I really do love both. In fact, I love the idea of self-development so much that I somehow now make a living off of helping others self-develop too. I really dislike the concept of stagnancy. I think change is invigorating. I love seeing people win.
But.
I hate resolutions specifically.
They just. don’t. work. I’m actually confounded as to why anyone would think that they would.
For one, January is the most dreary month of them all. You have to take down your Christmas decorations (or else get labelled as one of those psychos who still has their tree up on Valentine’s Day (which may be me this year by the way, so hooold the rotten tomatoes, bub)). The weather is cold and formidable. You probably feel a little fatigued after the holidays, holiday travel, holiday feasting - and just want to get back into routine. Then you’re going to tell me that now - in this cozy, get-back-to-normal January season - is the best time to resolve to a series of new habits?
For another, resolutions are WICKED brutal. The only way to succeed in a resolution is to perfectly fulfill it for an entire year, right? “I must go to the gym twice a week every week this year.” Well, what about that one week in February when the stomach flu is going around town? Do you fail just because you’re making like a woodchuck with wood? (*cough upchuck joke cough*) “I will only eat dessert on Wednesdays.” Then what will you do if a Michelin award-winning pastry chef is invited to a corporate event? You’re going to skip out on that once-in-a-lifetime experience? Are you inhuman?!
Resolutions suck because they include no contingency plan. Once you fail, what’s next?
Nothing. Game over. That’s it.
Try again next year?
Nooo way, man. You can’t convince me that I should sign up for that.
Okay, wait, here’s another one. Resolutions exist to facilitate change, but in my opinion, the on-ramp to change is WAY too short. Unless I’m mistaken, personal change is UNFORTUNATELY NOT MAGICALLY BEQUEATHED TO US ALL BETWEEN DECEMBER 31ST AND JANUARY 1ST. I was talking to my mentee the other day about this very concept: in my experience, disciplined people are not disciplined because they’re extremely high in willpower, which they then exert every day to fulfill their disciplines. They’re disciplined because they’re practiced, to the point that their discipline is automatic and thoughtless. (This guy wrote a whole book about that premise.)
Disciplined people are not disciplined because they’re extremely high in willpower. They’re disciplined because they’re practiced.
But here’s the rub: practice, to the point of automatic mastery, requires failure and learning, which both require time. Disciplined people try, make mistakes, and adjust. They figure out what works for them. They gain knowledge, they change their systems, they get feedback. They fall off the saddle. They get back up in the saddle. They fall off the saddle. They get back up in the saddle. They fall off the saddle. They get back up in the saddle. They fall off the saddle. They get back up in the saddle. They fall off the saddle. (My editor said you’d get the picture by now, but I’m not sure you do.) They get back up in the saddle. They fall off the saddle. They get back up in the saddle. They fall off the saddle. They get back up in the saddle. They fall off the saddle. Then in the process of making all of those attempts, they are able to become fluent in their change.
On the other hand, resolutions are like, “PERFECTION FROM DAY 1, GO.”
NO THANKS, BUSTER.
Anyway, in lieu of resolutions, here’s what I like to do instead:
I don’t care that it’s mid-January. Try this. I promise you’ll get better results over the long-term.
1. Set an overarching north star.
Oh yeah, sorry sorry. First, I actually have ooone more reason I hate resolutions lol. Can anyone tell me how you remember them all?! I hardly remember how old I am these days. You’re not seriously telling me you’re going to make five or six different items, recall them, and fit them into the midst of an ever-changing social, work/school, family, and personal calendar? Brother, if you can do that, PLEASE TEACH ME HOW LOL.
Go the easy path. I tell my clients to pick a single broad item, like, “I want to be a better leader,” or, “I want to focus more on strategy, less on tactics.” Organization, being less critical, confidence, public speaking, being less reactionary. Whatever you choose, just keep it broad and focus on that one item exclusively for the year.
2. Go for your north star. Then keep going... And going... And going...
After that, I tell people: I don’t care what you do. Just don’t give up on your north star.
For example, if your North Star is to “improve my leadership”, you could take a leadership seminar; you could read a leadership book; you could request feedback from your direct reports; you could hire me to do your 360; you could take some assessments; you could peruse HBR’s articles on leadership; you could get a mentorship with someone you know who you think is an awesome leader. All of those are great ideas to get you where you want to go. Some of them are more fun, some of them are more exacting - to fit the level of energy you can afford to give at any given point in time. None of them require effort all 365 days a year for a full year. All of them are flexible, so you can slot them into the preexisting schedule you already have.
The important component in this step is not that you’re perfect. I swear to you this: expecting perfection from humans in any manner is a delusion. (And, unlike in other rare cases, here, delulu is not the solulu.)
Rather, the important component in this step is that you just keep going. (Dory from Finding Nemo has a field day with this one.) In June or August, when you realize you haven’t thought about your north star in a while, just ask yourself, “What else should I do to keep working on my leadership? Maybe I’ll ask my peers for suggestions this month.” Then great, pick right back up again and keep going.
By my method, if you can keep trying for the full year to focus on changing one area of your life, that’s success to me. I guarantee you this: trying persistently for a whole year, even if your efforts are sporadic, will yield results. I’d even wager that your results will be better than if you tried suuuper hard to be perfect every day for a whole year, lost steam in about mid-March, and gave up for the next nine months. (Eat dirt, resolutions. Graaah.)
3. Put your money where your mouth is.
Man, I love negative reinforcement lol. Positive reinforcement is great and nice and all, but my family will tell you: nothing gets me going like telling me I can’t do something. (Granted, this is apparently how I got baited into vacuuming the entire house one time… Sigh. Don’t ask. I don’t want to talk about it.)
Anyway, to really seal the deal, I personally believe you need to put your money where your mouth is.
And I’m talking cold hard cash, baby.
Money is closely linked to desire, because we spend our money on what we need and want. (If you ever want to tell what’s important to someone, look at where they spend their money.) In this regard, money is quite powerful. Losing money unexpectedly hurts like nobody’s business. Gaining money unexpectedly is a sheer thrill. Even rich people, who have tons of money, usually still love money.
That’s why, if you really want to be serious about change, you need to put moolah on it. For example, if your north star is “save money”, then at the end of every month, you’ve got to check your bank account with a friend. And if that total savings number hasn’t increased since last month, guess what? You’ve got to shell out $20 to your friend (which, yes, sets you back for the upcoming month - so you better chop chop, chubby). If your north star is “be less critical”, then every time your family members or direct reports catch you barking, you pass out a dollar as hush money to all present witnesses. My friends and I did one in college where we posted our quiet times in the group chat, and every day someone missed, she contributed $5 towards funding the next girls’ wine night lol.
This works great because your accountability buddies will be on your TAIL. In another universe where there is no reward for catching you in the act, your accountability friends just feel like guilty snitches, and they’re likely to quietly disengage from their accountability responsibilities. On the other hand, once they start getting paid for being nosy, suddenly, EVERYONE’S A BOUNTY HUNTER.
Then you can actually get real change done too. You just have to be a little creative about how to truss yourself up and out of escape options. (If you get stuck, feel free to contact me. I’m great at making ensnarement rules teehee.)
All right, that’s all.
You’re joining the Anti-Resolutions Club too now, right?!
Well, either way, thanks for reading this soapbox rant. Catch you again next time!
Hey, Megan here! I love hearing from you. If you have any thoughts about this blog post, if you found anything funny or thought-provoking, or if you just want to let me know you were here, please drop me a comment below!
